Picking Your Battles Pt. 2

Don’t engage a battle just because you can win. This lesson is so difficult to learn. There’s a lot more to consider than just coming out on top. 

COUNT THE COST Slow down your reaction and take time to ask yourself, “What will it cost me to win?” Every battle has a cost… even when it’s won. It doesn’t matter if you are 100% right or if its an “easy” win. In every circumstance, the battle takes a toll.


With every battle, you are earning a reputation, and how others perceive you will impact your ministry. Some will boldly claim, “I don’t play the politics game.” That’s fair and noble! Don’t sacrifice your integrity or act from an impure heart. But, at the same time, it’s wise to pay attention to the feelings and perceptions of others who will be impacted by your decisions. Ignoring others isn’t talking the “high ground” away from politics, it’s lacking compassion and expressing selfishness.  Consider the cost before you engage. You don’t want to win a battle now that will ensure your next one is a loss.

AVOID EMPTY WINS
You’ve slowed down enough to make it this far: you are confident you can “win” without the cost being too high. There’s another question to consider: “What will you really be gaining for your ministry?” It’s our advice to avoid empty wins. It’s not a win if it doesn’t move your ministry forward in significant strides. What will happen if you don’t engage? Will your lack of engagement limit or hurt your ministry? These are significant questions that need to be asked before your pride swells and you fight for the sake of fighting.

-Doug Fields

Seven Things I Cannot Expect as a Leader

1. I cannot expect to win arguments with those who don't want to settle the argument, they just want to fight for the sake of fighting. (II Timothy 2:23)
2. I cannot expect people to read my mind. (1 Cor. 14:8)
3. I cannot possibly expect to have a complete and detailed plan from God that tells me exactly what His plans are for the next 20 years. (Psalm 119:105) - He doesn't promise to let us see years in advance, but He does promise to show us our next steps!
4. I cannot expect to be a follower of Jesus and keep everyone around me happy at the same time. (Prov. 29:25)
5. I cannot expect to stay the same and see progress. (Isaiah 43:18-19)
6. I cannot expect to please God without taking steps of faith. (Hebrews 11:6)
7. I cannot expect to hear God's voice if I am always running at an unsustainable pace! (Psalm 46:10)

Picking Your Battles pt.1

As much as we hate to admit it, we haven’t won all of our battles over our years in ministry. We’ve come to believe what they say (“You can’t win all your battles”) is true.
Reality mandates that there will be battles throughout the course of your ministry. Many don’t want to believe in this reality. They want serving within the church to be free of conflict. Or, at worst, believe people will argue over silly things like, “What’s the best verse in the book of Ecclesiastes?” or “What is the best day to meet?” Not likely!

Leaders face conflict. The church is filled with people, people are imperfect, and imperfect people hurt other people. It’s a guarantee. You’ll get hurt by others and you’ll most likely hurt others too. Conflict is inevitable.

Great leaders learn how to pick their battles well. This week, we’ll uncover a few secrets for choosing which hill to die on. Not all battles are worth fighting. Many leaders (mostly young) usually blow right past discernment into a firestorm of argument and attack. There’s got to be a better way.
CAN I WIN THIS BATTLE? Asking this question holds back impulsiveness. You’re in ministry because you have a deep passion for teenagers. That’s great, until someone messes with your passion or threatens your ministry. All of a sudden your fire to help that freshman know Jesus turns into a firing squad aimed at a parent who doesn't like that you used the word "sucks" when teaching a Bible lesson.

We get it. But if you can’t win the battle, don’t engage. Take the consequences and move on. You can’t win them all. Lazy and ineffective leaders hide behind this as an excuse and passionate leaders must learn this or they will sacrifice their influence.
Just because you can win the battle doesn’t assume an “automatic go” to engage. Some winnable battles should be skipped. More on that tomorrow. Stay tuned.

 - Doug Fields

Teenage Dating

Have you ever wanted to talk to a student about dating but dont know what to say or even how to bring it up? Well let me enlighten you on this fun subject matter.
  
Just bring it up. If you want to talk to a student about dating, dont be afraid or beat around the bush, just bring it up. Students love to talk about dating and share their views. I have never brought up a conversation on this topic where a student was reluctant to talk about it. The trick though is not to get to personal right away. If you get to personal to quick, then the student will feel awkward and the conversation will end real quick. Start out with a question like:

"...When do you think it's ok for a teenager to date?"
"...Do you think dating is good for teenagers, why?"
"...Why do students your age date?"

All these questions will bring up some good conversation and don't feel personal.  

Whats the point? This is the big question that every teenager needs to answer before they start dating. After the subject matter of dating gets brought up, this is the mac daddy question that you need to get to if your conversation is going to move any where. You see, most students date because that is what our culture has told them they need to do. This message is predominately communicated to them through the media, mainly music and movies. But what is strange and confusing is that the message is different for male and female.

• Male Message - You need to find a person you are attracted to, male or female (thank you Glee), and woo them so you can receive social status, physical pleasure, and companionship in return.
• Female Message - You need to find a person you are attracted to, male or female (thank you Ellen) and and strive to please them so that you can receive the social status, emotional companionship, and acceptance, that you desire.

There is a little more to the message than that, but that is the basic nuts and bolts. So because most students believe this message, they have a skewed view of the purpose of dating.

So, what's the point of dating? Most students have no idea. The purpose of "christian dating" is to find that person you want to marry while glorifying God in your relationship.  So if the point of dating is to get married, why then are middle and high schoolers dating? Definitely not because they want to glorify God with their relationship or to get married. So then whats the point? That's a great question to discuss with them.

Is Dating wrong? There are many views on this but I will give you mine. Dating is not wrong if you date for the purpose stated above. If you're "dating" (I dont like that term) for the purpose of glorifying God and finding that person you want to marry, then no it is not wrong. It does become sinful however when you are doing it recreationally for selfish purposes. Most (not all) students in America today date for selfish reasons, I have compiled a list below.

• Want to feel loved
• Want to fit it
• Desire physical pleasure and intimacy
• Want to experience what they see and hear from the media

None of these reasons put God in the spot where he needs to be, #1. And if that is the case then dating has become idolatry and repentance needs to be had. Dating can be a good thing, or a bad thing. It all depends on who is #1 and who you are following individually and as a couple.

I will post more articles on dating since this is such a hot topic and extensive topic at that. 

Being Relational

One of our core values as a student ministry is being relational. We believe firmly that if relationships are not being formed, ministry is not happening. Just look at Jesus, he spent most of his ministry building relationships with his disciples and others. Why? Why would he spend most of his life building relationships? Shouldn't he have been going around preaching or healing the sick? No, because Jesus knew that in order to make the biggest impact you must love people and spend time with them.

So, I wanted to give you a few tips on how to be more relational as a life group leader.

1. Come early and leave late - Dont show up right when service is starting and leave right when it is over. If you do this you are wasting valuable time that you could be using to spend with one or more of your students outside of the life group setting. I found out really quick that students don't usually open up that well in a group setting. But man if you wait till after class or grab them 30 minutes before and ask them simple questions like:"How's family life going? How's school? What is driving you nuts right now? What's one thing I can pray for you about?" These types of questions really open up for some good times of discussion and teachable moments. But if you ask those in a life group setting, students are going to do one of two things, their going to give a one word answer (ok, fine, good) or they are going to make it a joke to get others to laugh and help them not feel so uncomfortable. Making time before and after Life Groups is so key to building relationships.
2. Connect during the week - You want to blow a student away, call them during the week (or text them). Students think you are just doing your job as a life group leader if you only talk to them during life groups. But if you connect with them during the week, whether it is through text, a phone call, or hanging out, man a bond starts to be built that is hard to break.  Jesus purposefully walked hundreds of miles just so he could have an hour conversation with the woman at the well. Lets follow the lead of Christ and take time out of our week to start changing lives of students. You cannot expect your students to open up to you if you are not willing to open up your schedule for them. 
3. Carry a pen and pad - How often do we forget names, prayer requests, other things students have told us? A lot, right. Well I found that if you write them down after you have that conversation, and then go over them when your at home, it is hard to forget. And man, when you see that student next week and you remember what they told you, it boggles their mind. I remember praying for a student because he was worried about a test. I saw him two weeks later and asked him how his test went. He replied, "Oh my gosh, you remembered that?" He was totally blown away that I actually cared enough to remember his worries and problems. This opened up a huge door to pour into his life and show the love of Christ to him. Don't expect students to tell you their problems if you cant remember them. So write them down, it helps.

Excellence

Excellence is such an essential part of what we do at The Way. We never want to bring left overs or our second best to God (just ask Cain about that) we always want to give our best, pursue for excellence in everything we do including life groups. Wanted to give you some quick tips on how you can be excellent at what you do.

• Pursue God - You can never take your students some where you haven't been. Constantly be pursuing God with everything you got. You do this through daily prayer, Bible study, getting in a life group for yourself, evangelizing, giving, etc. Never stop deepening your faith because when you do that your students will too.
• Prepare - We say it all the time but it is so important. Know what your teaching, where you want to end up, and how you are going to get there. Don't just read the curriculum because honestly, the curriculum is boring (because it is a piece of paper), you are what makes it come alive, you are what puts meat on the bones of the lesson. But if you are just reading it, it's just a skeleton not moving anywhere.
• Pursue your students - The Bible teaches that Christ pursues us, he comes after us, isn't that a cool thought. So, why are we not doing the same thing with our students.
• Pursue them before service: Find your students before we start and hang out with them, play a game with them, buy them something from the cafe (tell them to put it on the youth tab if you don't have a dollar). Let your students know you're not just a teacher but you are someone who loves them.
• Pursue them during group time - get your students to open up during, dig deep into their lives, make sure that they know you love them and want the best for them, which is Jesus.
• Pursue them after group time - Again hang out with your students out side as they wait for their parents. Here is a great idea, meet their parents. Team up with them, give them your number so you can work together to disciple their student.
• Pursue them during the week - This is so IMPORTANT, connect with your students DURING THE WEEK. Text and facebook are the best ways I know how to do this. Ask them how their week is going, can you pray for anything, do they need anything, etc. Let them know your not just don't care about them on Wednesday but that you love them everyday (don't word it like that or they may call the cops)